Why don’t you just have sex with a man…?

We have just started to think about sperm… specifically, where we’re going to get it, who it’s going to come from, and whether it will be a known, unknown, or open ID donor. We have not come to any conclusions, nor have we done any real research on this process yet. I just wanted to discuss an initial observation…

Multiple people have suggested – with a range of sincerity – that I just go find a willing man, have him sign away his parental rights, and have sex with him. Why wouldn’t I choose this free option over paying so much money to buy sperm and have a doctor introduce it to my egg?

I hate to play the “you’re being heteronormative” card, but truthfully, would those people ask the same question of a heterosexual couple who is in need of donor sperm? I doubt it…

Here’s why we are not going to go that route:

  • We are in a committed, monogamous relationship. Neither my wife nor I can (or want to) imagine having sex with someone outside of our relationship.
  • We are fully, 100%, gay. Even if we had a desire for extramarital sex, it would be with another woman. Another, spermless woman.
  • Talk about complicated…. we would need to get a lawyer involved, we would need to have this potential one-night-stand-donor screened for STIs and whatever else they screen donated sperm for, we would need to have a very flexible and available person to accommodate last minute ovulation… the list goes on.

Now, we might end up going with a known donor, in which case the last bullet point would still apply. But no matter who the donor is, we are actually very satisfied with the notion that conception will involve a catheter instead of a penis. Especially if the doctor lets my wife plunge the sperm-syringe!


1 thought on “Why don’t you just have sex with a man…?

  1. This has to be the most annoying question that a lesbian couple who is trying to conceive has to answer. We resorted to asking people, “If the only way for you to get pregnant was to sleep with someone of the same sex, would you?” That answers their stupid question, REAL quick!


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