Known sperm donor discussion

My friend just blew my mind.

My wife and I are very close with another couple. We go out for dinner together, hang out together, and even get high together sometimes. They are both amazing people, and they have an amazing family. They are also both drop dead gorgeous, kind, crazy intelligent, and all-around awesome. Basically, we are in friendship-love with them. We have talked to them about our baby making journey, and about the various options for sperm that we have come across. We joked very early on in our decision to have a child that we wished we could just use their sperm. Apparently, while we shrugged off the joke as something unfeasible, too complicated, or unrealistically awesome (i.e., too good to be true), they went home and talked about it quite seriously. Today, I was having a conversation with one half of this couple about S. Bear Bergman’s book of essays, Blood, Marriage, Wine and glitter (a book that redefines the notion of what family is and can be). My friend blew my mind by saying that even though we had been leaning toward an anonymous donor, if we ever wanted to use a known donor, they would be happy to provide that for us.

While I don’t know if this is an option that will pan out, I am excited for the four of us to sit down and talk about what this might look like. What an amazing, generous, loving, selfless offer. We are so incredibly flattered and will have a LOT to think about and talk about with butterflies in our stomachs.


2 thoughts on “Known sperm donor discussion

  1. Wow. That’s quite something. Out of interest, are these a hetero or a homo couple? Obvs the logistics change dramatically! We had an option to use a KD, we thought long and hard about it (like, for a year) and decided that we didn’t want to be able to look at someone and know they were the third parent, even if they weren’t playing the role. We want the freedom to do as we please with our family – move us to the other side of the planet, if we wish, without having to consider that third person.


    • They are a hetero couple (although belong to the Queer community as well). We will have to discuss all possible scenarios…. moving across the world, god parents, grandparents, all of that. Going with a KD would certainly slow the process down because of all the discussion and sorting of logistics. But there are so many positives to this option that it feels worth the wait.


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