It wasn’t until my wife and I actually created our donor agreement (only a few days before meeting with our donor to hash it out) that the fear struck me — our donor might not be OK with our stipulations and might back out, leaving us nearly back at square one with our baby making plans.
But that didn’t happen! We had dinner with our donor and his partner (and their kid) last night to talk business. We brought printouts of the agreement for each person to read over carefully, and we discussed each item thoroughly. Some of the items in the agreement felt uncomfortable for us to ask because the “legalese” made it sound very cold and impersonal. Luckily, discussing our way through the agreement enabled us to say things like “we hate how harsh this sounds, but here is how this item would protect both us and you while still allowing for some leeway”.
Our donor agreement is 5 pages long and covers the following topics:
- The sperm and insemination process
- including how many donations we request per cycle
- and STI testing for our donor
- Parenting and parental rights
- including a statement that the donor agrees to assist us with second parent adoption
- Roles and Relationships
- including our appointment of a guardian
- the donor’s relationship with the child
- extended family relationships
- and that the donor agrees to maintain contact with us in case the child has questions about their genetic lineage/medical history
If anyone wants to see a copy of our contract to use as inspiration for their own, I am happy to share.
I kind of can’t believe this is really happening. My wife and I have been on a rollercoaster of “will we/won’t we/when will we” for almost a year. Getting the donor agreement signed was the last real excuse for not starting the process of actually “trying to conceive” (although for a lesbian couple I think the fertility appointments, deciding on a donor and a form of assisted reproduction, and all of the other “planning” stages feel like part of the TTC process).
Last night we went over our mental list of accoutrement – syringes, sterile cups, and pre-seed. I’m not sure about trying softcups yet. I ordered pre-seed from amazon (holy expensive!!). We will give our donor a box of pre-seed to help with the extraction of the goods, because we heard that sperm donations shouldn’t be made using traditional lubricants or saliva. It is all coming together. If anyone has recommendations of where to get cheap syringes and sterile collection cups, I’m all ears!