TTC Cycle 3 updates

Today is cycle day… whatever, I don’t even know. This is the boring part of TTC. While you have your period there is nothing to pay attention to, no tests to take, and no obsessing. I usually have almost 3 weeks before ovulation, so there are a good 2 weeks every cycle where there is nothing for me to do. I have another week to go still before I crack out the OPKs and start analyzing my cervical fluid… Fun times ahead.

If you have been following my blog for a while, you will know that we are using a known donor, and that our donor and his wife are very good friends of ours. You may also recall that they have a child. Their family dynamic is part of why we trust them so much in this process. We know that because our donor already has a child of his own, he knows what he is getting into in terms of emotions that come with seeing your genes in a new person. He is familiar with the emotions, and he is confident that it won’t be a problem having no parental connection to a child that results from his donations. We don’t have to fear any nasty “that’s my child!” surprises when he meets our child for the first time. We also feel comfortable knowing that they are good people, they are raising a kind, intelligent, and healthy child, and that they just want us to have the same happiness that they have.

But there are some aspects of having a good-friend, known donor that complicate things. We received a school picture of their child, and we put it on our fridge. I walked passed it for a few days not thinking anything of it, and then it dawned on me – that child in the picture on our fridge is the genetic half-sibling of our future child. It wasn’t necessarily a bad feeling that washed over me, just a confused, cautious, “is this weird?” feeling. The fact of the matter is, anyone who was conceived through donor sperm has a good chance of having half-siblings out there. The difference is, they probably won’t be playing with each other.

The other confused, cautious, “is this weird?” feeling that washed over me came when our donor’s wife informed me that they will also be trying for another baby soon. On the one hand, it would be so incredibly awesome to have a friend going through pregnancy and infant-raising at the same time as us. We could go on stroller walks together, and do babysitting swaps. On the other hand, what if we end up competing for her husband’s sperm? This is such a weird concept that I can’t even type it without swallowing hard. But in the end, I suppose as long as we aren’t ovulating at the same time, it probably won’t affect us. We probably won’t even know when they have started trying until they make a pregnancy announcement. If she gets pregnant before me though, I will go through some serious self-blame.

I’d like to wrap up this post about all the weirdness by saying that I am still over the moon happy that we have them as our donor. We are so lucky that they live 15 minutes away, that she drops the sperm off at our door on insemination nights so that we can get in the mood, and that we trust them so completely. All the potential weirdness aside, I wouldn’t trade them for any other donor arrangement.

7 thoughts on “TTC Cycle 3 updates

  1. Our known donor, a good friend of ours, has a 6 year old daughter. We also liked the idea that he already had his own child and had some idea of what he’d be getting himself into. When my wife was about 12 weeks pregnant, our donor and his daughter (and his partner and partner’s daughter) visited us for a few days, and I remember how thinking how very odd it was, playing with a child that was our future baby’s genetic half sibling. Now that J is born, I see more resemblance with her half sister than I do with anyone else, and it is, indeed, somewhat odd. But good. Using a known donor, regardless of legal precautions, is a bit of a leap of faith. I was so tempted to use an anonymous donor because it felt safer, but I am incredibly glad that we made our kid the way that we did, for so many reasons.

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  2. I’ve had a few of those “is this weird” moments, too and we are using an anonymous donor! We took a picture of my wife holding our donor’s baby picture up next to her to see how closely their features matched. I showed it to my one friend I’ve been talking about the whole process with and immediately said ‘OMG is this weird? Do you think it’s weird to look at this? Is it weird to talk about?’ I feel like no matter the path there will always be those little “what ifs” in your head. But it’s awesome that you feel so good about the path you’ve taken and hopefully that supersedes any of those little weird feelings!

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      • My friend kept reassuring me that she didn’t find it strange at all… at which point I said that’s because this stranger’s genetic material isn’t going inside your body, it’s going in mine! ha Either way, the end result is so worth it. 🙂

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  3. I also have a known donor and the past 3 years have been full of “is this weird?’ moments for me. And you know what? It is totally weird sometimes! This whole donor gamete/relationship thing doesn’t come with a manual and we have to pave our own way and it’s just…interesting.

    I think your child(ren) and you will benefit greatly from having that relationship with your donor and his child(ren). Weird moments & all!

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  4. I had a lot of “Is this weird?” when our known donor left his donation for us in the bathroom as we waited on the patio. It never worked with him, but it got more normal, as we tried over several months.

    I think your future child will share traits with his or her half-sibling, but he or she will be so indistinguishably yours, that it won’t matter.

    I think it’s great you have such a secure friendship with your donor’s family!

    Liked by 1 person

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