Well, my blood pressure spiked again, and I was back in the hospital for a complete work up. I was there 10 minutes and already arguing with the OB about unecessary interventions. [This was an OBGYN I had met before – he gave me an uneccesary intervention for an abnormal pap test years ago and asked me what it was like to be a lesbian]. He wanted to put me on a saline IV just to see what that would do, even though I told him I had been drinking water like a fish and was definitely not dehydrated. “We’ll just try it”. He said. “Might as well”. Luckily after he left my midwife agreed with me that it was uneccesary and didn’t do it. In the hospital my blood pressure was totally normal at every measure, baby’s heart rate was normal, blood and urine came back completely normal.
This is just a case of labile hypertension – blood pressure spikes will come and go, and aren’t harming me or the baby at this point. According to a large scale study I just read, this kind of hypertension only has a 15-20% chance of becoming the more serious pre-eclampsia, or full on hypertension. Yet, the midwife told me to make peace with a hospital birth and likely induction. She recommended we save our money by cancelling the birthing tub we had ordered for our home birth. She said that in her experience, hypertension only gets worse the further along the pregnancy gets. She wants us to aim to reach 37 weeks, which is in 5 days.
I somehow kept a calm face through the entire evening at the hospital, but when I got home I lost my cool. I have been laying awake for most of the night thinking about how I can manage a peaceful calm birth in a hospital room. How will I go within and enter deep relaxation when I feel the need to constantly defend myself and question an OB’s many recommendations? If I need to be induced, how long will they give me to progress on my own without pitocin, and just membrane sweeps and cervix ripening gel and walking around? Will I be able to walk around, or will they have me heavily monitored and strapped to machines? If I get pitocin, will I be able to labour without an epidural? Will I end up flat on my back with my feet in stirrups being told what to do by an outsider? Will I lose control of my body and lose any semblance of this birth being a natural event?
I was excited about labour and delivery the way I had pictured it. Now I am full of dread and anxiety. I know many women are able to have very satisfying birth experiences in hospitals, but I can’t help but get my back up in a hospital environment. It is NOT my safe place. It is not comfortable for me.
I clearly have a lot of processing still to do. I go back to the hospital for more monitoring and an ultrasound on Monday.