I don’t want to leave the house with the baby. I feel anxious that she is going to get upset while we are out. Realistically it doesn’t make much difference if she gets upset at home or out and about, because either way I can usually calm her down with a feeding, but when I am faced with a car ride somewhere I start to get upset. But getting upset about going out is counter intuitive because going out is good for my mental health. Whether it’s for a walk or a trip to the store, getting fresh air and doing something besides bouncing around the house makes me feel better.

However, my fears aren’t completely unfounded, either. On our way home from a family Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday, she started screaming in the car and nothing could console her until we got home. Thank god she only started 15 minutes from the house. Actual tears were in her eyes and I had to just sit there helplessly while she screamed at the top of her lungs. Damn carseat kept me from even holding my crying baby. THAT could happen anytime… hence the anxiety.

I was looking forward to going on a fall colours walk with my wife and baby today, but at the last minute I backed out. I started to cry. I was so tired of trying to calm my fussy baby and the thought of having to do that away from the safety of our house was too much for me. So my wife took the baby for the walk and I am trying to get some rest.