I am not in a great place right now… I have anxiety about leaving the house with baby. Yesterday my sister-in-law visited and we went out for lunch. Avery cried the ENTIRE time. I spent lunch walking her outside and bouncing her and trying and failing to feed her, and changing her diaper right at the table cuz there was no other place… I was so emotionally and physically exhausted from that that I stress-ate a pile of Halloween candy and crashed on the bed next to Avery when the company finally left.
This morning I had a mom and baby yoga class that I had signed up for. I really didn’t want to go, but I figured it would be a good way to release my anxiety. First crappy part was that my car is in the shop and the yoga studio doesn’t have room for strollers, so I walked there wearing her and carrying all our stuff and my back KILLED. Next crappy part was that Avery was NOT feeling the yoga. She cried the ENTIRE time. The instructor was great and tried to take her for me so I could do some stretches, but it was harder on me to hear her crying in someone else’s arms than to hold her myself. The class could barely hear the instructor over her cries. I essentially paid to have exposure therapy. I am emotionally and physically exhausted from yoga. It is going to be extremely difficult to make myself go next week but I already paid, and I can only hope she will get better.
My concern, though, is that she seems to be out of the early newborn “sleep anywhere anytime” stage. She fights sleep, and I have to set up just the right environment to get her to sleep. Lullabies, darkness, and quiet. Her morning nap time is right when we leave the house for yoga, and laying on the floor in a bright room full of cooing babies is not an environment she is going to go down in.
I just need a good cry right now to release all my stress, and look forward to the rest of the week not having to leave the house.