My wife and I have started talking about sex and intimacy post-baby…😩 I have definitely thought about it, but the thought was that I wished I had the energy to give my wife some affection at the end of the day, not “hmm, I could really go for some sex right now”. I do my best by reaching over and putting my hand on her arm and then I fall asleep. I must admit, even talking about it and when it might happen for us again gave me some feelings of resentment.
Most nights since Avery was born, my wife is fast asleep by the time I get the baby down. On the nights we are both laying awake in bed, the baby is attached to my boob. Even if I wanted sex, which I don’t, there hasn’t even been the opportunity for it.
The number one reason why I have no interest in sex, and why I don’t think I could have sex even if I tried, is that I am so fucking tired. I take care of the baby constantly, day and night. Even when my wife is watching her (for maybe 45 minutes a day), I am on call. I also do all of the housework, meal prep, pet care, etc. All of this equals TIRED.
If I am going to want sex again it isn’t going to be until after I start feeling like a human again. And I won’t start feeling like a human until a) I get sleep, and b) I have time for self care (like basic regular showering and shaving my legs). I could spend Avery’s naps practicing self care (now that she has at least one nap a day that doesn’t have to be on me), but then we’d be living under a mountain of dishes, we’d starve, our cats would get urinary tract infections from dirty litter boxes, we’d have no clean clothes… Essentially life as we know it would fall apart. Ok maybe that’s a bit dramatic, but until my wife gets a local job and stops being out of the house for 15 hours a day, my priorities just can’t be on myself and definitely won’t be on having sex.
I go through moments of feeling bad about not being able to give my wife the affection she needs, but then I remind myself that caring for a newborn is some draining shit. I have no affection left over at the end of the day right now. And if anyone needs affection, it’s me. What I wouldn’t give for a massage….
Bottom line is, wife needs to get a local job so she is home for more than a couple of hours right at bed time. Having the extra help might just give me the oomph I need to start feeling sexual again, if it’s ever going to happen.