The parenting myth I’ve finally stopped falling for (A Reblog)

Re blog from mom.me to follow up my sleep training post with the complete opposite message 😉

I hope this makes you feel better about yourself if you feel a lot of parenting pressure, like I do.

The Parenting Myth I’ve Finally Stopped Falling For

The other day on Facebook, a post popped up in my newsfeed from another mom who was seeking advice. She said that her 6-month-old baby will only finish his bottle if she sings to him while he drinks it. That made me smile. It seemed like a lovely, harmless little way for that bright boy to get his needs met. He wants his mama to sing to him, and since he can’t ask her with words, he’s come up with a creative and effective way to communicate with her. I was proud of the little guy.

But the rest of Songbird Mama’s post stated that her pediatrician advised her to stop singing to him when he’s taking his bottle because it might create a bad habit. She said that her husband agreed with the doctor. I think my mouth fell open.

Now, I will admit that I’m only getting part of the story here. I obviously wasn’t at the six-month well baby exam. But, come on—a bad habit? Wanting your mom to sing to you is a bad habit? I mean, the baby isn’t requiring his mama to feed him while turning cartwheels or holding her breath or embroidering a onesie with her free hand. Those might be bad habits. But singing? Sounds like normal, healthy, mom-baby stuff to me.

Here’s where the parenting myth comes in—the myth that I have fallen for and maybe even promoted a time or two: Your child’s current quirks, habits and preferences will likely go on forever if you don’t put your foot down ASAP.

Someday your child will wean. Someday he will sleep on his own. Someday she will be completely potty-trained. Someday he will eat an actual vegetable.

When you read it there in black and white, it sounds stupid, right? I mean, even just typing it out nearly made me scrap this entire post. But think about it—how often do we convince ourselves that if our children cosleep, they will never be able to sleep in their own beds without using us as their personal teddy bears? How often do we tell ourselves that if we give our toddler a piece of candy for using the toilet, she will demand post-bathroom break Skittles from her kindergarten teacher? How often does Grandma or Aunt Francine convince us that if we rock our baby to sleep every night, we are going to turn into that (slightly creepy) mom from “I’ll Love You Forever” rocking her man-son on her frail little lap?

We do it all the time, right? Something is working, but you get that twinge of anxiety, either from somebody else or from deep inside ourselves, telling us that our kid is going to create a “bad” habit, one that’s going to be nearly impossible to break. So we stop doing what’s working—for us and our child—to quench that fear and appease the masses.

So if you’re a new(ish) parent, let me speak directly into your worries: If it is working right now—for you and for your baby—keep doing it.

Keep cutting those sandwiches into shapes if that’s what it takes to get her to eat it. Keep patting that diapered butt to the tune of Old MacDonald if that’s what gets him to fall asleep. Keep the white noise as long as you need it. Keep buying blankie backups just in case your daughter leaves her most prized possession at daycare. Someday your child will wean. Someday he will sleep on his own. Someday she will be completely potty-trained. Someday he will eat an actual vegetable.

And despite Daddy and doctor’s fears to the contrary, someday that stubborn little music-loving baby will tell his mom to stop singing so he can concentrate on his video game.

So for now—sing, Mama, sing.



 

 

 

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7 thoughts on “The parenting myth I’ve finally stopped falling for (A Reblog)”

  1. My personal philosophy is this: if it works for you, great–go with it. The minute it stops working for you, change it up. With babies, there’s no such thing as “always” or “never.” There was a period of time when Charlotte would only sleep cradled in the crook of my arm–day and night. For a while, it worked and we went with it. Eventually, it became a burden and we changed the routine so my wife and I could have evenings together after she went to bed. Now, she falls asleep by herself in her crib no problem after a short bedtime routine. (Staying asleep is another beast entirely…) There’s no rule book for baby sleep. There are lots of theories and suggestions and ideas, but none of the so-called experts even agree with one another. You just have to find something that suits your situation, your needs and your personal preferences and go with it until it’s time to try something new.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I thought about posting a link to this when I read your earlier post, but I didn’t want to be a hater!
    I couldn’t agree with this sentiment more! Honestly, if it’s working for you and baby – keep doing it. If it’s not, stop doing it and try something else. I nursed Ansel to sleep every night until he was 14 months old (and at all wake ups) but then I had ankle surgery and couldn’t walk to his room, so we cut the middle of the night nursing and stopped doing the nurse-to-sleep (he still nurses before bed, but not to sleep) I was worried that after a year + of nursing to sleep, he would revolt. He didn’t. It took 1 1/2 nights of some tears, but he adjusted.

    I’m not against sleep training (we used the Happy Sleeper methodology around 14 months) but I also think the idea that you will somehow imprint ‘bad habits’ on a kid is absurd. We all change our patterns and habits based on our needs. I used to work 12pm-9pm and my sleep patterns and behaviors were very different than they are now, working 9-5. Babies are the same. They adjust based on what pops up for them – and you will too. Teething will change it. Sickness will change it. Vacation will change it.

    And, sleep is such a beast. You can’t win for trying sometimes. So, no matter what, do what you can to keep sleeping as much as you can!

    Liked by 2 people

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