Sleep deprivation

I feel like a sheet of paper, trembling in the cold breeze that comes through our drafty walls. Or like Bilbo Baggins so eloquently said, I feel like butter scraped over too much bread. 

I am fucking tired.

The last couple of nights have been near all-nighters. The only sleep I get is in the IKEA chair when I nod off momentarily while the baby nurses. As sure as I am that she is asleep when I gingerly place her in her crib, the second my ass hits my sheets she is crying again. 

All I can do for her this morning is lay next to her while she fusses. I don’t have it in me to even pick her up. Please end, sleep regression. We’re all so tired. 

6 thoughts on “Sleep deprivation”

  1. Dear Amy,
    I feel your pain. Take a deep breath & remember so many of us our in this, cosmically, together! Our daughter is five months old and she still pulls the up three or four times a night card. For the first few months she had terrible colic. I can finally look back and I have to say I don’t remember how bad it was because it was mixed with so much beauty, too. New motherhood. I’m sending you compassion as you continue this journey. A new book I’m reading, “Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting” by Myla Kabat-Zinn & Jon Kabat-Zinn. Highly recommend! Get some rest.
    With compassion,
    April Brown

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I was just thinking back to my baby’s colicky stage and wondering which was harder, then or now, but I found I had trouble really remembering how hard it was before because the memories I have kept are all wonderful.
      Thanks for the book recommendation.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. She has tried to take night time shifts but Avery tends to cry with her when she is so accustomed to nursing to sleep every time… Darn sleep associations…. Staying home for a day is a great idea but she just started her new job. So for now I just try to look forward to weekends.

      Like

  2. This sounds like the point when I gave in and started co-sleeping full time, haha. At least I could pretty much stay asleep while she stays attached and sleeps. TERRIBLE habits, I know, but it was a survival decision! Also, our daughter has started raging if my wife attempts to be the one to soothe her back to sleep. It’s so hard to watch/hear, because I know it hurts my wife’s feelings. At least she’s much better rested…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have tried bringing her back into our bed but she still wakes up in there and starts kicking her legs and practicing her shrieks and coos. I brought her into bed twice last night just to see if it would work and I couldn’t get her back to sleep even then… BUT, we had luck getting her to sleep in our bed in the evening (after 3 hours of trying in her crib), so that might become a new short term habit. Bed sharing wouldn’t be a question for us if we could do it safely, but we can’t really get the right set up in our house.
      And its good to know that other parents out there are rejected by their babies at night. My wife gets pretty upset by it, mostly because she wants to help and can’t.

      Like

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