It’s been a long time since I’ve written a fuck my life post. Last night my wife and I started talking about changing/creating the sleep training plan. The plan I was implementing was such a slow plan, and we were thinking about trying something more serious, more structured, and faster. Just the mere thought of messing with my slow withdrawal from sleeping next to her had me in tears. And then we were both up with her for a total of 4 hours through the night trying to put her down without me snuggling next to her. She cried and cried and cried (in our arms) and I felt like garbage. This morning we continued the sleep training conversation, and I kept crying about it. It’s an unfortunate characteristic of mine- anytime my wife wants to talk about something serious, I start crying and she feels bad and it silences her. 

Anyway, rough night. And my stress levels are already high right now because I am 3 weeks behind in marking of papers and grades are due end of next week. I spent the evening last night marking in the dark in the nursery after getting her to sleep. Every nap time, and every independent play time, I am marking. I haven’t showered in 5 days and the baby needs a bath as bad as I do. 

But then my baby smiles at me. Even after a rough night, she wakes up happy, giggling, not a care in the world. Her eczema patches are blistered and raw and she must be uncomfortable, but she smiles. I cry all over her as I get us ready for the day, but she smiles. She is my light. All the stresses in the world are worth it to keep this baby smiling. 


7 thoughts on “FML

  1. ā¤ ā¤ ā¤
    I think at this point you need to do whatever you can to get back on top of your sanity until grades are in. That's already stressful enough and you need to mitigate that stress as much as possible. How much is your slow way of sleep training impacting that? Is there any way your wife can help give you space and time to finish grading, especially knowing it's a short term thing?
    Hang in there, you're almost through. I know what it's like to have every spare moment consumed by either baby or work and it's rough. Breathe, breathe, breathe and make those 15min for a shower happen.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks. Yeah, my wife offered to wait to talk more about sleep training until after grades are in. I will take the next week to sleep next to her so we are all rested and then try whatever methods we come up with that might work a little faster.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time with this, especially with a deadline hanging over your head. Troubles with sleep just seem to make everything in life so much harder. Wishing you luck first in getting all your stuff graded, and then on getting everyone sleeping comfortably!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sending you all the positive energy I can muster. It’s just so so hard. We tried the CIO method and we’d always give in. I just couldn’t stand watching her cry so much she’d hyperventilate.I just couldn’t do it. I look at it this way – they are only small for a short time, if it means sleeping in a different bed than my partner then that’s the reality we need to deal with right now. Easier said than done though, those nights where you can’t calm them down are just the worst.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the understanding šŸ˜Œ My wife doesn’t want to do CIO either so we’re ok on that front, but she is pushing for our baby to be more independent whereas I love sleeping next to her. I wish I could have the best of both worlds! But like you say, they’re only little for so long….


  4. Hang in there, mama. There are no easy answers to these things. If you love sleeping next to her, then just do it for a while longer! You and your partner will work through it. It’s temporary. And I personally think that nurturing and catering to those needs when they are this little makes them into MORE independent and secure little humans. And good luck with those grades! I hate it when paperwork gets backed up like that.

    Liked by 1 person

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