The daycare search continues… 

We have seen 3 home daycares so far. The process has not brought out the best in my marriage. It turns out we differ on several important parenting issues and discussing the pros and cons of each daycare has brought these to the fore. 

It has been a tense week. 

Surprisingly, I loved two of the three we saw. I thought I would be VERY critical of the person who would be trusted with my precious little soul of a baby. Turns out, all I need to feel comfortable is a good vibe. I like the warm, open and inviting caregivers who are flexible, and just want to spend their day doting on a couple of cute babies. 

Here’s a taste of the daycare that made me loose sleep the night after seeing it. My wife actually liked this one the most. 

 When I asked what this caregiver would do for a 12 month old (how old Avery will be when she starts daycare) who still needs 2 naps and needs a lot of help getting to sleep, she said “we do one nap a day. Everyone lies down, and I check on them periodically, but I don’t let them up for 2 hours. After about a month they’ll figure out what’s expected of them and they’ll start sleeping during that time.” 

Ahem… Deal breaker. Anyone who has read about my sleep struggles with Avery will know that leaving her in a room with 5 other kids without cuddles or milk for 2 hours is not going to go well. It’s not just her who won’t get any sleep… And the fact that this provider was too rigid to work with us on Avery’s sleep schedule even a little bit was very off-putting. She’s also having a second baby of her own in 2 weeks, and I don’t like the idea of Avery’s needs being in competition with the woman’s own brand new baby. She also flinched when I said we do baby-led weaning and said she couldn’t tolerate the mess with her son so couldn’t do that. 

We have one more daycare to see this week, and then we figure out if I need to keep scouring the internet for more places that have openings – if my wife and I just can’t get on the same page and need more options. Daycare hunting is dramatic… Did anyone else have disagreements with their partner over what daycare to go with? Did you compromise/resolve it, or just keep looking till you found something you both loved? 

24 thoughts on “The daycare search continues… ”

  1. Honestly, i wouldnt trust anyone with a caregiver who has her own newborn! I simply wouldnt. As a mom, when my little one was born I couldnt concentrate on my older one , so how on earth is she going to do it is a mystery.
    Secondly, most licensed daycares have to allow 2 naps till 18 months. This daycare lady is not someone I would trust honestly. ( my 2 cents)

    Also, a daycare has to be someone who goes with your parenting style becayse thus person is going to parent ur kid for 40 hrs a week! Think how confused the kid will be.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s where my wife and I are getting hung up… My wife wants Avery to have a different experience than she gets at home with me because I’m too soft… Big dramarama. I agree, though, it would be a lot harder a transition if the placement is a lot different from home.

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      1. with both my kids (they went to different daycares’), the provider let my kids nap when they wanted initially (for a week or two) and then slowly transitioned them to the daycare schedule.
        I don’t know where you are, but if its a home based daycare, there are some rules here in Canada-
        1) you cannot have more than 2 infants (including your own child – < 18 months).
        2)Your max capacity has to be 5.
        3) In summer months, you can have more kids but they should be independent and school going, not below school age.

        Your wife has a point, but then baby led weaning vs spoon feeding is a parenting style, nothing about being a softie. And in any case, no daycare will be the same as home, she will get a different environment and will adapt.

        last, kids are very very resilient, its amazing how they adapt to any situation..
        Good luck!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thanks, I know they’re adaptive and it helps to remind myself of that… I’m in Canada too. I really like the places that have two under two and then only before and after school kids so there’s just one other kid. Once Avery gets used to that, I wouldn’t mind if the provider brought more daytime kids in.

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      3. Yeah for sure, I would never ask that of a provider, but by chance two of the providers we saw already said they wanted to take it easy and just stick with 2 under 2 plus the before and after school crowd. Not sure how they can afford to do it like that but they seemed to want to take it a bit easier.

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      4. sorry, I am quite “free at work today”. so its like talking to another person , so excuse me for being chatty.

        The only “negative” I can see with 2 kids is that Avery will not get the social stimulation she will need with only 1 more child full time at the daycare as she grows. This is great initially, but kids are excellent are learning from peers, so that could be one “con” to having a limited size.

        The biggest plus though, is reduced infections! My biggest gripe with my daycare was the rate at which my boys fell sick.. It was exhausting.. not to mention the bombarding of their system with antibiotics and steroids.

        Also, ask how they transition kids at your preferred daycare. The one we finally went with allowed us to stay with my 11 month old for 2 days (for a total of 2 hours each day), and then let him transition in to the daycare over 15 days. It was quite easy for us and my son too.

        Another daycare we liked, asked us to leave him and go and not stay with him, It was hard for my elder one(that is how his daycare was), he was super clingy and upset for months.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I get where you’re coming from, but when you have a group of kids there’s no way you can cater to one for an entire nap period. It’s pretty much the norm to put them down and that’s that, I know it’s unbelievable to you now but I guarantee you she will be napping along with everyone else within a few weeks 🙂
    That being said, I think you should keep looking until you both agree on a place. It’s a big deal, that person will be with your kid for a lot of time!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Another problem with this particular provider was that she wants to be full capacity. The other two we saw wanted to stick to two babies only, and then before and after school care which wouldn’t overlap Avery’s day there.

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      1. She likes the structure, the fact that Avery would have to learn to sleep without nursing or rocking, and the fact that this provider is very ‘by the book’ in terms of doing exactly what the govt ministry lays out in the guide book for home day cares. But I like the idea of free play, going with the flow of the mood of the kids on any given day, and being flexible to parent requests.

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  3. I feel like I don’t like that woman, and I didn’t even meet her!! If your child is used to 2 naps, then she should be allowed to have 2 naps while there. And if she doesn’t like the mess of babies eating…WHY is she running a day care!?!? Lots of red flags went up for me while reading this, I can see why you didn’t like this one. I really do hope you guys can find one that you both feel comfortable with very soon!

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  4. Choosing a care provider can be difficult even when you’re on the same page with your coparent. Honestly the most concerning thing about what you’ve said is that your spouse wants that care provider because you’re ‘too soft’. Fundamental differences in parenting approaches are only going to become more problematic over time. Have you all talked about seeing a family counselor to work through moving forward and getting on the same page?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. We haven’t gotten that far yet, but if I am definitely open to that. I think that we both want the same thing for Avery, and we aren’t TOO far off from each other – my wife doesn’t want to do cry it out for sleep, for example, but she also doesn’t want me sleeping next to her all night. Time will tell…

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      1. Yeah, most nights she does the 10pm to 1am wakeups. But since she works outside the home she doesn’t do any later than that. Somehow we’re surviving this way for now, and sometimes when I just can’t keep it up anymore at 3 or 4am I bring her into our bed and my wife’s ok with that.

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  5. I don’t have experience in this department but I can guarantee this is how my husband and I would be! I know for a fact that him and I will be so different in our parenting techniques as our twins grow. It’s scary but I know we will have to tackle these issues one obstacle at a time. I hope you both can agree on someone that you’re both comfortable with. Good luck!

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  6. What a tough and high-stakes decision. It makes sense that it would bring up some tension if you and your wife aren’t on the same page, because even if you were, deciding on childcare sounds like a really stressful thing.

    I think J dropped her second nap when she was just over a year old. Avery is going to change so much in the next three months – she might be ready to go down to one nap, she might nap more easily, it’s so hard to know. I hope you guys find a place that feels right for all of you!

    (Also – have you looked into the on-campus daycare at your university at all? From what I hear they have a good reputation.)

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I wouldn’t for one second hire someone that I didn’t feel 100% about. And there is no such thing as too soft at this age. Youre building a good, secure foundation and attachment. My wife gives me the side-eye about co-sleeping and not holding firm lines on things too, but she doesn’t want to cry it out. Stick with your gut!

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  8. We’re considering sending Margs to daycare a couple days a week too. And this is one of my biggest concerns. Baby girl needs cuddles and milk to fall asleep so that type of approach would not work. Crossing my fingers that you find something you can both agree on soon.

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    1. If you end up sending Margs I hope you can find someone who will work with you on that, too. We actually saw one today who said she would give a bottle and hold her for the whole nap if need be. Unfortunately the house smelled like smoke, was dangerously cluttered, and had a jumping, yapping dog who made Avery really upset from the minute we walked in the door. But the nap flexibility would have been nice had EVERYTHING ELSE not been horrible!

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