Night weaning log – night 2

Bedtime felt a little different. She only nursed for about 2 minutes before falling asleep – she usually empties both sides and waits for them to refill and goes back for seconds on both sides. Despite her falling asleep quickly, I had trouble putting her in the crib. Her arms were tight around my neck, even in sleep. It took an hour for her to let go. 

My wife went out for drinks/conversation with a fellow parent friend. Evening shift is on me. I’m tense. I can’t relax. I’ve tried working on my dissertation but I can’t keep my mind off of anticipation of the next wakeup. Avery is coughing a lot tonight. 

3:00am. THREE AM! Despite all the coughing and a few short cries through the night, 3am was her first and ONLY wake up that she called us in for. It wasn’t an easy wake up, though. She was surprisingly fine without milk, but she was having trouble falling asleep. I rocked her from 3 till 5am when I could finally transfer her to the crib. She only cried intermittently out of frustration from wanting to sleep but not being able to get there. 

7:00am. Avery woke up peacefully in her own room. I ran to her when I heard her stir because my boobs felt like they were going to burst. I said “it’s morning! You made it till morning, and now we can have morning cuddles and milk.” She had some milk back in our bed, but she was too awake for cuddles and barely took the edge off of my engorgement situation. I felt very sad that we didn’t have our usual slow morning wake up attached to each other. 

*side note 

I was feeling too emotional to sleep. I missed her. When she coughed I wanted to give her milk to soothe her throat. I think I finally nodded off at 12:30am.

As I process all of this, I’m suddenly really worried that I’m inadvertently fully weaning her. What if she’s an all or nothing kind of kid? I’m not at all ready to end our breastfeeding relationship completely at this time. 

My wife and I are at each others’ throats right now. We feel differently about how this is going and we’re not understanding where the other is coming from. It will get better. Emotions are rampant right now. 

5 thoughts on “Night weaning log – night 2

  1. Well I’m really glad that she seems to be dealing with this all so well. And that she’s sleeping better, for the most part. I’m sorry it’s so hard on you though. As hard as it may be for you, you just sort of have to follow her lead on this. If she’s ready to wean, you can’t force her not to. When I weaned C I was so afraid she would fight me on it…I was shocked when she didn’t seem to really care. As long as she had something to eat when she was hungry. I was in a panic about dropping her bed time feed, as that was last to go…but again, she didn’t seem to mind. And as much as I didn’t love nursing, it made me sad because it made me feel like she didn’t need me anymore. It’s been a month and a half, and I still miss that closeness and quiet time together. If she’s in the bathroom when I’m showering, she will look at my chest like she remembers they meant something to her, but doesn’t ask to nurse. It’s an emotional process for sure, for everyone. Just remember to take it one day at a time, and be kind to yourself. If you need anything, shoot me an email. *Hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

  2. i dont think kids that young go by the all or nothing process.
    She will always nurse as long as you offer. However yea, night sleep nursing is the most intense for toddlers because that is when they nurse without distraction. But, be assured unless you conpletely wean off, she wont wean off.
    Its always harder on the mom than the baby, and believe me as you stop/reduce nursing , your emotions and hormones go whacky again. Ita very normal to feel emotional. Its like Post partum emotions all over again.

    Liked by 1 person

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