30 Days of Blogging, Day 28

What am I doing with my life?

I long for autonomy, so I’m working toward a steady, 9-5 job in my field. But that only gives me financial autonomy. I’m afraid that plan might actually backfire and make me feel even less in control of my own life.

Not that I have a choice in the matter. My wife has been the breadwinner for long enough and she needs a break. The responsibility is wearing on her. I’m not the type to get stressed or feel burdened by financial responsibility, because I come from the privileged position of being able to say, “everything will always be OK. There are plenty of jobs, plenty of ways to make money.”

So if I had a choice in the matter, what would I do to make money? I think I’d love to dabble in dozens of things. Precarious employment is my jam – I’m a multipotentialite and don’t want to be tied down doing the same job day in and day out. I’d want a bigger piece of land to raise chickens and veggies and sell eggs and things at a roadside stand. I’d work as a consultant program evaluator and bring home an irregular paycheque from that. I’d pick up the odd teaching job at a local college. I’d offer workshops on chicken keeping and gardening for suburbanites who want to start on a path of self-sufficiency. I’d raise our kid(s) and cook and clean.

But only one of those things brings the stability that is required of a breadwinner. It seems I’m stuck on this path of using my PhD to do research work for The Man. The Man with benefits and a pension program.

I’m just floating along, feeling sorry for myself because I have TOO MANY options, too much privilege, and a self-entitlement that only a millennial could have.

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4 thoughts on “30 Days of Blogging, Day 28

  1. Work-life balance is tough no matter the situation. And there is something to be said of the paradox of choice. Too many choices leaves you unsatisfied and doubting no matter which decision you choose. Adjusting to a new role is never an easy task, but if your wife needs a change of pace and you can provide that, it’s worth putting in some “working for the man” time. Perhaps in a few years you can reverse roles again, or you may find you fall in love with your research {you did bother to get a PhD after all 😉 } Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t knock benefits and a pension plan. Though I had to deny many creative parts of me for this day job, I’m getting to the age when benefits and a pension are high on the list of priorities. And thanks to the stupid day job, I can retire early and explore all my nutty, multipotentialite pursuits!

    Liked by 1 person

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