Countdown to TTC for baby #2: our timeline

My wife has started reminding me with increasing frequency that she wants another kid, and although we talk about it as something way down the road (“some day…”), there are a lot of moving pieces in our timeline and I think we need to be clear about all of the variables.

We’re still not planning to have another baby until I’ve finished my PhD, gotten a job, and have worked at that job long enough to be eligible for maternity leave. But the shortest estimated end-date for my PhD is about one year from today, and you only need to work about 3 months (600 hours) to qualify for maternity leave in my province. If I were lucky and got a job just a couple of months out of school, we could technically be birthing baby #2 a year and a half from now (*HARD GULP* – did not realize the shortest timeline was so short…).

And now for the longest (more realistic) timeline estimate. I would very much like to have baby #2 before I’m 35 – I already feel limited by my age when I’m too tired or stiff to keep up with my toddler (*side note: not all 35 year olds feel as old as I do and plenty of moms older than 35 can keep up with toddlers just fine). I’ll be 35 in July 2020. It takes 10 months to grow a baby from conception; therefore, I’d like to be working on conceiving baby #2 by early next fall (2019), which also happens to be about the time I hope to be starting a job. Yikes – when I lay it out like that we’re really cutting it close to the start of my future career. Sorry, future employer. And let’s hope I can actually find a job right away…

If we follow through on our plan for reciprocal IVF, it takes time to go through the planning, appointments, plus the 6-month sperm quarantine for a known donor. Let’s work backwards to see when we need to start the ball rolling:

June 2020 – Have baby #2. I’ll be about to turn 35, and Avery will be about to turn 4.

October 2019 – Conceive baby #2.

March 2019 – Put our donor’s sperm on ice and wait 6 months for him to get re-tested for STIs. Following testing, IVF can be done.

September 2018 – Start talking to our donor about going through the more intensive donor process for IVF, start researching reciprocal IVF.

So it looks like I have about 6 more carefree months before TTC research consumes my brain again! And I thought I was consumed by research on at-home insemination…. IVF is a whole new ballgame that I never thought I’d have to learn about. Maybe I can convince my wife to take the lead on research this time.

*Edit to say that I got my age wrong in the above calculations… I will be 32 this summer, not 33. Sheesh. So add a year to the longest possible timeline.

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14 thoughts on “Countdown to TTC for baby #2: our timeline

    • It’s an option for sure, but judging by the way I hormonally, viscerally responded to the birth of my first baby, I don’t think I’ll be in any condition to start a career with a baby who is a couple of months old. I didn’t feel mentally capable of returning to school until about 9 months post partum, and I didn’t feel ready to leave my breastfeeding-on-demand baby until 12 months. I know I’m very privileged to live in Canada with long mat leaves. A second baby could be a totally different experience for me, but I don’t want to risk it and wind up collapsing under the pressure and not being able to perform at a new job.

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      • That’s a long time! How do companies fill the gap of 1-1.5 years absences? I went back to work after 10 weeks with my oldest daughter, but ended up quitting to stay home with her about a month or so later. The newest baby started childcare a day or two a week at 4 weeks old, but taking hormones and breastfeeding out of the equation made it feel ok.

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      • It is a long time for companies. My mom is a small business owner and it has been really hard for her to hold positions. She owns a veterinary practice, and ends up with too many vets for the amount of work when the person on mat leave returns. It’s a great system for the families, and a tough one for small businesses. In larger corporations that are constantly growing and changing it’s easier to reassign the person when they come back (it doesn’t have to be the same position, just a comparable position).
        I often wonder if I’ll end up wanting to not work outside the home after having two. Childcare ends up eating a lot of the extra salary from both parents working…

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      • It’s super expensive. For all 4 of my kids to go part time, which is 3 days a week from 8:30-3:30, it’s about $1,800 a month. That’s about 2/3 of my monthly income 😬

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  1. I totally feel you on the age thing! I told myself I was not having children after 30! Well life for sure had a different plan for me! I have a 9 year old son from a previous relationship (however my husband is his Dad in every way) and now as a married woman I find myself wanting another child with my husband. We are also trying to figure out an appropriate timeline to make this happen as I will be 34 this coming October. I feel some mixed feeling regarding starting over with a baby after having an older child, but also have feelings of time is running out and this is our only window. Ug! So complicated! lol

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