One and done or two and through?

I have been swinging back and forth from two extremes lately – desperately craving another baby and not wanting another child at all.

Right now I’m nearing ovulation, and my body and soul ache for a baby. Maybe that sounds dramatic, but I feel dramatic. So, there.

Last week, I absolutely did not want another child. I even drafted a blog post about how my one child was everything I wanted for our family, and I didn’t want to mess with our perfect dynamic by having another child.

My thoughts about having a second child have been on a pendulum, like this, since Avery turned two. The older she gets, and the easier life gets (no consequence), the harder it sounds to introduce baby days back into our lives. But on the flip side, the older she is when we have a second kid, the easier it could be to manage both kids. If one sleeps through the night and goes to bed on her own, having a new baby who is glued to me and keeps me up all night should be no less manageable than it was the first time.

In the summer, we thought seriously about starting to try for baby number 2 this December. But now, my wife and I are trying not to rush into having a second kid because we don’t know a couple of important aspects of how the near future will look. Most importantly, when will I finish my PhD, and will I find a job right away that I’ll be able to take a paid maternity leave from; and will we want to buy the small house we’re in (from my mom for an affordable price) and try to squeeze a family of four into it, or will we be trying to relocate to a bigger space outside the city.

As you’ve probably gathered from the last paragraph, we still plan to have a second child. It’s just that some days it seems like a terrifying and exhausting idea, while other days it seems like it can’t come soon enough.


5 thoughts on “One and done or two and through?

  1. I think about this often as well, not necessarily in terms of ease of life (although there’s plenty id be fine never going through again) but more for my wife’s sake. I’ve always wanted a huge family 5/6 kids. But it was hard for her. And it’s going to be hard for her again. And while part of me still longs for that big family I’m already trying to convince myself that one (or two) is still perfect. Obviously we’re also trying for baby 2 but I know if it doesn’t work out one perfect baby is just as amazing. Also I totally feel ya on those ovulation hormones!!!

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  2. Your swings are normal and reasonable. There is NO PERFECT age gap between children; and each child IS different and unpredictable in their response to siblings. So know you are normal and the future is simply unknowable. I hope that those who want children are sucessful; and that those who are not find peace within their lives.
    Thank you for posting and sharing the joy and wonder of your family with us.

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  3. 29 weeks into the second pregnancy, I still feel a lot of those things! Of course, I love this growing baby to the moon and back and we never considered not having more than one, but the ease of life and delights of having one become more and more apparent as that “one” becomes her own person. I really believe there is no right answer, and I think you’ll be happy with either one or two, and with whatever spacing comes to be. Selfishly, I want you to go for December so we can continue to commiserate and celebrate the daily ups and downs!

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  4. I felt a lot of ambivalence about having a second kid, including a moment of complete panic during the IUI that produced Powerball. Now I feel a lot of ambivalence about not having a third kid, a decision life has largely made for me. I think the magic of it, though, is that in many cases the kids you end up having end up becoming the only ones you can imagine wanting. If you have a second kid, I suspect you’ll end up looking at that kid and thinking “I’m so glad that all of the decisions we made led to you.” If you don’t have a second kid, I suspect you’ll look at Avery and know that she’s exactly who she’s meant to be as well.

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