We’re getting close to the time we said we’d start trying to conceive our second child. As early as March, or as late as May, depending on how my work is going. The closer we get, the more wavering we do.
This blog entry probably could have been kept to myself as it’s just an exercise for my own benefit… But there may be people out there who are considering having another child (or who have recently had another child) who can relate. And if there’s a chance someone out there can relate, I’m sharing.
Pros to having another child
- Another awesome child to love and to watch grow
- Another source of life-long family bond for Avery, someone to share in family experiences and reminisce with
- Someone to help Avery deal with her aging parents as we all get older…
- Someone to help Avery learn to share (toys, mom-time, tv…)
- We’ll never regret having another child, but we will quite possibly regret not having another one
- get to experience pregnancy, birth and that squishy baby phase again (I loved pregnancy and birth)
Cons to having another child
- It’ll be longer before I make an income, longer before we can buy our house from my mom
- Might have to move to a different house for more space
- Wife and I will go through another phase of having no time or interest for one another – first two years of child’s life is especially hard on marriage
- Because I’ll be done school and looking for work when the baby is born, I’ll have to send new baby to daycare sooner and for more hours than I ever had to do with Avery (and it’s hard enough to be away from Avery for 12 hours a week!)
- Have to go through the fourth trimester with a baby who could be colicky, just like Avery was, or just a typical baby who cries all the time and can’t be soothed… Oh, the stress….
- No guarantee second baby will be as wonderfully, perfectly, amazing as Avery is. Maybe they’d be a spirited wild child who bounces off the walls and breaks shit and bites and hits and is way too physical for introverted-old-me to handle.
- Related to above, we’re quiet, introverted people who get worn out from too much noise. Playdates are unenjoyable for us. Two kids in the house together all the time are guaranteed to be noisier than our one who just sits and colours or reads or plays board games with the cats (seriously, she’s the easiest 2 year old).
So there are more cons than pros in this list, which of course isn’t exhaustive because there are too many things to consider all at once. It’s tough to make a pros list for having a second child. It seems like we’re stuck on remembering all the hard parts when we think of what life will be like with a second. We fear having our lives reverted to the difficult early baby days. We fear going through the lack of sleep again. We fear how it will change us. It was so easy to imagine the good stuff when we were childless and planning for baby #1. We didn’t know how tough it was going to be. Now that we know, it overshadows the good stuff as we think about baby #2. I wish there was a magic button to push to turn off the worrying part of our brains and allow us to consider for a moment, unhampered by what experience has taught us, all of the magical, happy, cuddly, squishy wonderfulness that a baby brings to a family.