I know I’ve been posting a lot of stuff about baby #2. It seemed fairly real that we’d have a baby #2. But my wife keeps pulling us back to being one and done. Initially, I was the one who didn’t want a second and my wife did. I came around. I got excited. And now, here we go flip flopping back the other way yet again.
I’m not distraught about the thought of not having another child, but I am disappointed. Although today I’m more hardened, I’ve cried at this point before, when my wife announces that she doesn’t want another child afterall. You can’t un-dream the dreams about who that little person would be, how your eldest would take on the role of sibling, how your heart would expand to produce more than enough love for everyone…
But it’s also not always (ever?) possible to know with 100% certainty what your future will look like. There’s bound to be some assumptions about your own future that go unmet. The lack of any givens is a given.
I’m disappointed, but not distraught. I’m able to come up with a lot of ways in which life will be easier. Better, even (we tell ourselves what we need to). If my wife doesn’t flip flop back to wanting a second child, I’m going to need to make peace with the idea that I can miss something (pregnancy, creating and meeting new life…) without needing to have it again.