Money coming our way?

My wife and I have been planning to buy the house we rent from my mom. We’ve lived here for 8 years and we’ve made it our own. I’ve spent years developing a perennial edible garden, with all the infrastructure (if you don’t know this about me yet, developing my property into a suburban homestead has been one of my top passions over the years – and one of our biggest investments). This was the house we got engaged in, started our marriage in, and started our family in. We wanted to buy this house because it felt like home, but also because we couldn’t afford to buy any other house. My mom would cut us a deal so we wouldn’t have to pay full market value. We’re in a housing market right now where even families making over $100,000 a year can’t buy a house, and with me in school for the last 12 years, we haven’t been able to save enough to secure a big enough mortgage for a solidly built house, unless we bought from my mom at a discount.

But the other day my father-in-law told us not to buy our house. At first we got defensive – was he saying it wasn’t a good house?? This was our home that we’d worked on for years! But no, he was giving us a heads up that when he sold my wife’s childhood home, there’d be a good chunk of money coming our way that would significantly impact the kind of house we could afford to buy.

So here we are in limbo, waiting for his house to go on the market. We’ve pretty much decided that if we end up being able to afford a slightly bigger house with more than our current 2 bedrooms, WE’LL HAVE A SECOND CHILD. He cannot list his house fast enough…. The unknown is killing me.

It is kind of awkward accepting that kind of money from family. Not awkward because it’ll change our family dynamics or because he’ll make us feel we owe him – awkward because we are getting so much handed to us on a silver platter without earning it, and it makes my white, 3rd generation Canadian, educated family privilege glaringly obvious. It’s uncomfortable to look my privilege square in the eye and choose to use it for selfish purposes. We could take some of that money to support people in need… But we’re sinking it all into our house fund. I feel like less of a good person taking the money. And I think I should feel like less of a good person…

This isn’t my first time accepting free money and using it for personal gain. When my grandmother passed away she left me enough money to completely cover my student loan debt. The difference was, she stipulated that the money was to be used to pay off my student loans, so I really had little choice. In this case, my father-in-law would be very disappointed if we donated much of the money, but it’s not like it’s his dieing wish that we use it to buy a house…

Anyway, this is all moot because we’re using it to buy a house. We just have to wait till spring when he lists his house (it’ll sell immediately) to find out what we can spend on a house, and then we have to FIND our forever home, which won’t be easy. I imagine we’d start trying for another baby as soon as we found out our house hunting budget, rather than waiting to find and move in to our forever home. But for now, we linger here in limbo… The anticipation, as always, is killing me.

3 thoughts on “Money coming our way?

  1. I completely sympathize with you on those conflicted feelings about money. I’m regularly wondering just how comfortable we need to be, do we really need to go on this vacation, etc…Comfort and vacations almost always win. I think as long as we’re not hoarding obscene amounts of wealth, then there’s nothing wrong with living a comfortable and pleasurable life. I love this quote from Marx: The less you eat, drink and read books; the less you go to the theatre, the dance hall, the public house; the less you think, love, theorize, sing, paint, fence, etc., the more you save-the greater becomes your treasure which neither moths nor dust will devour-your capital. The less you are, the more you have; the less you express your own life, the greater is your alienated life-the greater is the store of your estranged being.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well dont feel sorry at all. In India we have a saying, the roots always work the hardest, only then the tree grows tall and easy. As an avid gardener you already know that. Your family roots( grand parents and FIL)clearly would have worked very hard and obviously the benefits you are reaping will only go to your daughter to enjoy.

    There will always be people in need, and you will always get a chance to help the comunity. remember, even in airplanes, they say” please put on your mask for oxygen before helping others”.

    So help yourself and your family.. Good luck. Am super happy for you.

    Liked by 1 person

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