3 Things on Sunday

1. My PhD research proposal was accepted!! I waited a month for my advisory committee to come together for a meeting, and the meeting went amazingly well. I can finally – after 3 years and 2 other proposal attempts that fell through for different reasons – finally, move on to actually DOING THE RESEARCH and finishing this f-ing degree and get a job.

2. I had my first me-time in a long time getting my hair done this weekend, but thoughts of how expensive it was going to be and how much I just wanted to be home with my little family made the whole 2 hour process unenjoyable. It’s funny how you can be at your wit’s end with trying to keep up with your demanding toddler’s needs and then in only 5 minutes of being alone feel like your heart is aching from missing that wonderful, demanding toddler.

3. Night weaning is going really well, but sleep isn’t… It’s complicated. Avery has been sick forever and the cough still keeps her up at night. The doctor assures us it’s normal for kids her age in daycare to be sick for this long, and for things like runny noses and coughs to linger well beyond the duration of the actual bug. She’s also struggling with yet another itchy post-viral rash (apparently she’s prone to them). So she does a lot of crying through the night, and I used to be able to make her feel better by nursing. Now we just put a hand on her back and lay next to her while she fusses, and she doesn’t even ask for milk to help her get through it. She just deals with it. It makes me proud of her, and also sad that the instant comfort phase of her life is over. She makes her own comfort, now. That said, last night she was really upset, and I brought her into our bed to sleep on top of me. Just because we’ve night weaned doesn’t mean we’ll let her suffer all night or go without sleep.

The good news is, she usually goes from 7pm to 4am with only one wake up that we need to go to her bedside for (that one wake up takes 2 minutes for my wife and an hour for me, though). The bad news is, 4am is when she wakes up for the day now… We’ve let her have an earlier nap to compensate, but that just messes with her afternoon energy levels. Can’t wait for her to settle into the new normal without night (and morning) nursing and hopefully find a good rhythm we can all be happy with.

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So negative lately 

I’ve always been an eternal optimist. To an obnoxious extent. It took a lot of formal and informal education for me to learn that active listening and empathy required not always looking for the positive in people’s experiences. Sometimes people just need to experience a negative emotion. Sometimes negative feelings can’t, or even shouldn’t, be avoided. 

Although I understand now that some negative emotions need to be expressed, I don’t want to get into a negativity rut. I don’t want to be a negative person, especially around my daughter. My wife caught me off guard this morning when she called me out on my new negative mind set. She said I’ve been so negative about everything for quite a while now. 

It could very well be caused by exhaustion.

It could be caused by the stress of having too much on my plate. 

It could be caused by hormones. 

Or I could be growing into the pessimist personality trait that seems to get passed down on the maternal side of my family once the women reach a certain age. 

What I know is that I have to correct this frame of mind before it changes me. I’m going to start by listing 3 good things that happen every day. I won’t write them all here, but I’ll include today’s in this post. 

1. I got a huge amount of things done today and felt really good about myself. 

2. Avery laughed so much today. 

3. An awkward altercation with a past research advisor resolved itself today.