Today is cycle day… whatever, I don’t even know. This is the boring part of TTC. While you have your period there is nothing to pay attention to, no tests to take, and no obsessing. I usually have almost 3 weeks before ovulation, so there are a good 2 weeks every cycle where there is nothing for me to do. I have another week to go still before I crack out the OPKs and start analyzing my cervical fluid… Fun times ahead.
If you have been following my blog for a while, you will know that we are using a known donor, and that our donor and his wife are very good friends of ours. You may also recall that they have a child. Their family dynamic is part of why we trust them so much in this process. We know that because our donor already has a child of his own, he knows what he is getting into in terms of emotions that come with seeing your genes in a new person. He is familiar with the emotions, and he is confident that it won’t be a problem having no parental connection to a child that results from his donations. We don’t have to fear any nasty “that’s my child!” surprises when he meets our child for the first time. We also feel comfortable knowing that they are good people, they are raising a kind, intelligent, and healthy child, and that they just want us to have the same happiness that they have.
But there are some aspects of having a good-friend, known donor that complicate things. We received a school picture of their child, and we put it on our fridge. I walked passed it for a few days not thinking anything of it, and then it dawned on me – that child in the picture on our fridge is the genetic half-sibling of our future child. It wasn’t necessarily a bad feeling that washed over me, just a confused, cautious, “is this weird?” feeling. The fact of the matter is, anyone who was conceived through donor sperm has a good chance of having half-siblings out there. The difference is, they probably won’t be playing with each other.
The other confused, cautious, “is this weird?” feeling that washed over me came when our donor’s wife informed me that they will also be trying for another baby soon. On the one hand, it would be so incredibly awesome to have a friend going through pregnancy and infant-raising at the same time as us. We could go on stroller walks together, and do babysitting swaps. On the other hand, what if we end up competing for her husband’s sperm? This is such a weird concept that I can’t even type it without swallowing hard. But in the end, I suppose as long as we aren’t ovulating at the same time, it probably won’t affect us. We probably won’t even know when they have started trying until they make a pregnancy announcement. If she gets pregnant before me though, I will go through some serious self-blame.
I’d like to wrap up this post about all the weirdness by saying that I am still over the moon happy that we have them as our donor. We are so lucky that they live 15 minutes away, that she drops the sperm off at our door on insemination nights so that we can get in the mood, and that we trust them so completely. All the potential weirdness aside, I wouldn’t trade them for any other donor arrangement.